The best seat in the house at a restaurant is in the bathroom. Trust me.

You read that title right. The key hint is in the picture to the left. No I didn’t write “bathroom” on that plastic trash can lid. But if you look closely in the upper left corner of the lid the answer is there…

That’s the key.

Literally.

To the bathroom.

Not too long ago, I ran into the Mobile convenience store near our house to use its bathroom. The door was locked. I asked for the key. The store attendant handed me the whole trash can lid with the tiny door key attached to it. I had to take that selfie once inside. For proof. No one would believe me that I had to use a trash can lid attached key to get in.

Which brings me to this as a food critic—

When you go to a restaurant you will find that the best seat in the house is not a prime table or booth. It’s in the bathroom. Trust me. It’s the toilet…

Uh huh.

Really.

Seriously.

Inspect the bathroom before you place your order. If it’s messy, dirty, full of hand stains on the stall doors and on the in and out door think of what the kitchen is probably like. Get the picture now? You better. If restaurant staff can’t be bothered to keep their bathrooms clean they aren’t thinking of you. It’s one thing to have a few toilet squares or hand towel sheets on the floor. But if it looks really messy, gunked up around the sinks then think about them not caring about exposing you to contagious germs and viruses.

Look at the flooring. Is it tile? Is the grout grossing you out? Or is there black growth around the edges where the floor and the wall meet? Is it wood? Is it vinyl? Does it look old, worn out, looks like it has never been scrubbed? Here’s your sign. You are in a restaurant where staff isn’t interested in you the consumer but instead they are more concerned about cleaning out your wallet than they are about cleaning up their toilets.

Check the urinals too. Are they stained with yellow water spots? Nuff said. I just can’t say more about urinals that have dried urine spots on or around them. Sorry but the eatery is not aiming to please. You. As my sister Lila Beans said when we discussed this part of my article…

Oooooh.

Gross.

Just thinking about it.

A good restaurant will care about its bathrooms’ hygiene. Restaurants are always full of humans who bring their hunger along with their individual germs. What better place to share them with everybody than in the bathrooms. A well-kept bathroom is a sign of a well-kept place to eat. If the staff cares about keeping their bathrooms spanking good you can bet the house salad that their kitchen is kept the same way too. Erma Bombeck was write when she rote “The Grass is Greener over the Septic Tank” because the green in that eatery bathroom you’re in is not hygienically growing there nor is it the restaurant’s official indoor herbs garden. So if it’s green and growing in or around the toilet tank…

GET OUT!

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

TRUST ME!

Don’t exposure yourself to a filthy bathroom. You will either end up with some germ-infested sickness from it or from the kitchen after digesting something that has been exposed to bacteria. E Coli for one from the food. A viral contamination for another from where you wash your hands at a filthy sink. There are just too many good eats here in Vegas where staff does care about you and your health. They want you back as a repeat customer. Repeat customers pay the monthly operating expenses. Regular cash flow keeps restaurants open for business. Clean-flowing bathroom waters keep these eateries’ good reputations from going down the crapper…

Literally.

Really.

Seriously.